The Most Memorable 4th of July Ever

This is a story I’ve been meaning to put to paper… errr… type up… for a long, long time. It involves my most memorable 4th of July holiday. Let me preface by saying that there are a couple holidays I generally don’t plan anything for: 4th of July and New Year’s Eve, most notably. When I was younger I’d always make big plans and have huge expectations for these holidays — then inevitably someone would crap out or the plan would go horribly awry — and I’d wind up disappointed and sad. The approach I’ve taken since then is to plan nothing. That way there are no expectations. If something comes up, then great! If not, then no big deal. The 4th of July holiday that turned out to be my most memorable was one of those for which I didn’t plan anything. See? It works.

Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll – The Reality.

This weekend, my band played yet another fist-pumping, panty-wetting show. In other words we really brought the rock. Saturday night’s show was in Geneva, and the town will never be the same. Prior to booking the show, I’d never heard of Geneva. I mean, I’ve heard of the Geneva Convention, and I know there’s a place somewhere over in Eurasia called Geneva (I have a theory that the two may be connected), but that was the extent of my knowledge on the subject. It turns out that Geneva, Illinois is a quaint little burg about an hour west of Chicago. The place we played was a bar/restaurant called Sanfratello’s. It’s a long story, but due to a misunderstanding, we arrived way earlier than we needed to. We’d actually left the city about 3:00 p.m. No sleeping all day and rolling in drunk just in time for the show for this band! There’s tearing down, packing up, loading, unloading, setting up, waiting, waiting and then waiting.

Offering The Black Jellybean

When we were kids, my brother Ken and I both got a package of jellybeans for Easter.  He, like me, LOVES the black ones.  Well this particular package that Ken got only had one black jellybean in it.  Basically, Ken got hosed.  But being the happy-go-lucky kid he was, he decided to focus on the positive.  He proceeded to make a big production about how he was SO looking forward to that black jellybean, and how he was going to save it for last and enjoy it SO MUCH when he got to it.  We were in the car when this happened, by the way.  So he got down to the end of the package, and all he had left was the lone black jellybean.  He, wanting to show how kind and generous and selfless he was, stuck it in my dad’s face and offered it to him.  My dad meanwhile, was fighting traffic and not paying attention to Ken’s shenanigans in the back seat.  He saw the proffered jellybean, said, “sure, thanks,” and unceremoniously snatched it from Ken’s hand and ate it.  It took about  5 seconds for the shock to hit him, but once it did, Ken started crying  – and he continued to cry for roughly the next 2-3 hours.

The jellybean was not offered so my dad could really take it, but so he could refuse. You see sometimes, like Ken, a person will make an offer because he or she really only wants to be recognized for the kindness and generosity of the gesture.  And also sometimes, like my dad, the other person doesn’t catch that it’s a hollow offer, and doesn’t realize he or she wasn’t REALLY supposed to accept it.  This leads to hurt and confusion on both ends.  In short, you should never offer something you’re not truly willing to give.  Ken and I BOTH learned a valuable lesson on that fateful Easter day.  Although his lesson was slightly more painful than mine; I still got all my black jellybeans.

To this day, when I suspect someone of offering something they’re not willing to give, I’ll refer to it as “offering the black jellybean.”  Now you know why.

6″ Turkey Breast on Wheat!

6″ Turkey Breast on Wheat. That’s what I had for lunch. Do you care? No. There’s no reason you should. So why, when you go to most any sandwich chain (like Subway or Potbelly), do they make you bellow your order across the entire store for all to hear?

We’re going to need a bigger bus

Welcome to this week’s CTA drama. There certainly doesn’t seem to be a shortage! I really should thank the CTA. If it wasn’t for them, my life would probably otherwise be boring and uneventful. I’d certainly have a lot less material for this blog.

Today’s story actually starts last night, when I was about to go to bed. I noticed both my iPod and cell phone batteries were almost dead. I thought about putting them on charge, but then decided they both had enough juice to get to me to work the next morning. I could put plug ‘em in there. Bad decision.

Proposed new slogan for Target

“Target. We have nothing you need, and everything you don’t.”

You know what I’m talking about! I would never dis Target. For some reason, people are rabidly loyal, even though Wal-Mart is better. But anyway, I made a Target run last night, and it’s always the same story. If I ever go in with a list of 3 or more things, they are inevitably out-of-stock or no longer carry at least 1 of the 3 items. I really don’t understand their stocking strategy: “let’s make sure our shelves are at least 33% empty at all times.” I’ve NEVER gotten everything on my list in one trip. And yet I never get out of there without spending a ton of money. Last night, for example, I went in for 5 things- which should have run me about $30. I only got 3 of the 5 items on the list, yet somehow ended up spending well over $100. How does this happen? (Answer: refer to my new slogan.)

Gotta cut footloose

The day actually started out well. My work-load was fairly light, and because of the time change (I’m assuming), the day seemed to go by kind of quick. Adding to the bonus, my boss is out on vacation this week, so there was nothing stopping me from leaving right at 5:00. All in all, a good day. I was in a good mood.

At exactly 5:02, I grabbed my coat, hit the elevators, and made my way down to the street. And wow! The sun was out. “Hello, Mr. Sun. Haven’t seen you in a while.” I think it’s only come out about half-a-dozen days or so since October. After not seeing it for so long, it was a real pick-me-up. Then I thought, if I made good time on the train, I might even have some sunlight left for my walk from the station to my apartment. That’d be really nice. And considering I left work right at 5:00, I might make it home by 5:40 — maybe even 5:35! Optimism. That was my first mistake.

My favorite Superbowl spot

This one. I think it’s simple, effective and funny. It didn’t rely solely on major special effects or a high budget (as so many do these days) to hit on a very real fear and how the product can solve the problem.

A behind-the-scenes peek into advertising

As you may or may not know, I work in advertising. As I’m sure you do know, this is a very prestigious and venerated profession. it’s not just a job that anyone off the street can do. There are countless closely-guarded secrets, lessons and tricks of the trade that have been passed down from one generation of ad exec to the next, and to the next. Today, Readers, I’m going to give you a rare glimpse into something not many outside the inner circle get to see – a peek into what goes into taking a photo for an ad.*

I love the smell of lip balm in the morning.

There seems to be a common element in a lot of my blog entries: The CTA. Ah yes, the good old Chicago Transit Authority. That shining paragon of mass transportation, whisking people swiftly to their points of destination all over the greater Chicago area. That massive fleet of busses and trains that picks up riders in a timely fashion and transports them comfortably from Point A to Point B.

It sounds lovely, doesn’t it? In theory, I suppose it is.